Often I found reading about 'after enlightenment' that the writer was writing their thoughts years and years after the point of 'finding their home'.
So what I found was that after years of refinement and natural change the person was in a totally mature place.
However, there was most likely a process of evolution in their path to maturity.
Becoming aware of 'single beingness' is one thing. Having your personality and ego carry on as normal is quite another.
I have found that there was a misconception within me that once one reached a point of 'single beingness' one would become a radically changed individual.
The saying 'before enlightenment: chop wood. After enlightenment: chop wood', is so true. Yet there is really a profound difference really. However, one could pick this all apart and say that their really isn't because ''single beingness' was always there.
I choose not to worry about picking it all apart because it makes it become a riddle. Personally I have no intention of trying to sound too clever.
There is one point I'd like to make and its this: one really has to show a great willingness to want to know this 'single beingness'. The effort made although seems pointless is important.
Should it all not become that important then its not. Simple. To some its really important. For me it was a 'goal' that I set to achieve just that in this lifetime or at least try my best.
I don't know how many times I've read don't try so hard. Don't make goals. Personally I think that is just confusing. Set the goal, go after it and then if successful you'll know it probably wasn't something that could become a trophy.
I find I have the following feeling. My true single beingness is there at all times within me. At times I might be completely in my head, not aware, not present just absorbed in something. Yet I know that it just doesn't matter if I am. I know how to reach my core within seconds and it will be there for the rest of my life. And beyond? Don't really care is my current answer to that.
I have found I still experience all of life's ups and downs, emotional roller-coaster rides and all. Yet somehow there is a difference. I've also seen that as each month passes I become more refined in my interactions with life. There is a gradual maturity going on.
In the last few months I've found a natural caring side of me become more noticable. I have a genuine interest to be caring. Its not false.
This leads me on to say that for the whole year I just wanted to evolve naturally. No preconceived ideas on how I should be or become. Certainly there is no saintliness that suddenly appeared overnight. I just wanted to see whether I would naturally evolve or not. Also to see if there was a gravitation to a certain way of living.
In the last few months I have in a way shied away from moving into stillness. I naturally identified it as a worry that I wouldn't carry on with my current goals if I pursued this. I now see its totally irrational but there it is. So an insight occurred, which I've found happens quite a lot but in the most gentle of manners.
So I have very recently moved back into regular visits to my 'single beingness'. Its most enjoyable in the most gentlest of ways. It also seems the world around me responds to my increased time spent in stillness.
more to come......
No comments:
Post a Comment